God’s Calling to Men: Oneness

God’s Calling to Men

The writer of the Hebrews, tells us we should move away from the milk of elementary principles and start chewing on the meat of maturity. This refers to not only our maturity, but also our sanctification. The writer says we must set aside the issues of justification and salvation, so we can move on to our higher calling, to be like Christ. Faith without works is dead.

At the outset, let’s be clear, there is no greater impediment to sanctification and maturity than marriage. With the international divorce rate among Christians exceeding 50%, it is clear there is definitely room for each believer to have a better understanding of what it means to live joyfully with their spouse. To learn, not only our responsibility, but also learn the behaviors, we must commit to become mature in Christ.

Whether you, as the reader are a husband or a wife, this short teaching is meant to bring clarity to how husbands and wives can LEARN to coexist during this current dispensation of sin. God makes it clear in scripture (1 Peter 3), the man is responsible for the success or failure of the marriage. God holds the man ultimately accountable. So every man should heed these words.

Let’s start at the very beginning. We know God created the world perfect. He said it was GOOD, many times. But then the man and the woman ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. As a result, sin entered the world and sin was imputed to all of their progeny. The rest is history. It was some 4000 years later, when Peter, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, brought these words to the husbands and wives of the New Testament church.

1 Peter 3:7 – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Now, a right thinking husband might ask the obvious question, “What exactly is an understanding way?” Even more to the point, “What is there to understand?” As a recipient of many email jokes, I am sure we have a whole catalog of quips and one-liners about the differences between men and women. But is it truly humor or is it a result of how the curse, God levied on the man and the woman, was intended? How exactly are we, as believers, to live under the curse?

Whenever we are confronted with a problem, it is important we understand the cause and effect, as well as the possible steps to remediation. We know about the cause – the curse is a fact of life forever after, until God returns for His church. But what we have to be clear about is, we did NOT cause the curse, it was imputed to us. This is a federal curse levied on the man and the woman, and this curse carries over to everyone. We are all sinners and the price of sin is death. We can think of ourselves as victims of this curse or we can see it as part of God’s plan for redemption. Without the curse, we could not possibly know the goodness of Christ or the amazing eternal destiny God has placed before us.

One of the primary effects of the curse is an everlasting tension between man and woman.  But we know God is good. And God never brings into our life (as believers) a temptation or trial we cannot escape. That is His promise. But only through obedience and understanding can we follow the path God has laid out for each of us, to abundance and joy, and ultimately to glory. This path goes through marriage. As such, we need to learn how to live in marriage, rightly.

To better understand what Peter is saying, let’s go back to the beginning, and look specifically at Genesis 3. When God confronts the woman, He imparts to her actually, three curses.

First, He tells her, she will suffer great pain in childbirth. The woman probably had no idea what this meant, since she had not conceived a child. She would soon learn, however. The second curse was, she would have desire for her husband. But notice the third curse. It was, the man would rule over her.

These last two curses are the reason there are so many broken marriages and broken hearts. The curse is the center of the husband/wife conflict, but in the curse, through God’s grace is the cure. When Peter says husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, he is telling husbands to understand the curse and learn how to survive the dysfunction God had placed on marriage.

Marriage initially was a gift. It was God’s gift to mankind. He said it was not good for man to be alone. So God gave him a helpmate. The man and the woman lived an idyllic life in the garden. They were co-managers (stewards) of the garden God made for them and God declared it was perfect. They worked together, played together, laughed together. There was no conflict. We can infer their relationship was ideal. They were equals with no hierarchy. There was no differentiation in authority. But the curse changed all of this. They were no longer co-equals. By God’s decree, man would rule over the woman. Think of what a shock this must have been to both of them. They were to work side by side with no emotional or competitive edge. But now, the woman answered to the man and this was not good. This was awful. In fact, it was the curse. It was meant to be discipline for the woman and the man. They were no longer in fellowship with God or each other. They were forever destined to have enmity between them.

God said, the woman would have desire for her husband. Without understanding the Hebrew, it is possible to misunderstand desire and think it was a good thing. In a world of sexual tension, having desire for her husband would be a natural instinct for the woman. But the Hebrew word declares this an unhealthy desire. This desire includes jealousy, possessiveness and control.  They no longer were able to coexist as equals. This tension was heightened because God made man rule over the woman. At the same time, the woman’s desire to control the man were for reasons the man might not comprehend. Is it any wonder, men have a difficult time figuring out how a woman thinks?

Fear entered the world because of the curse. The woman was dependent upon the man. The man was the hunter, the provider. He was the protector. She was the weaker vessel. Her desire was to be an equal, but God said no. Man would rule over her and it would cause conflict.

So when Peter says for the husbands to live in an “understanding way”, he is telling man, reflect on how the curse has impacted her joy in life. Man needs to understand why woman are so different from him.

So what does Peter say the man must do to survive the curse, to find remediation? We must first, look at the commands and the benefits promised if we obey what the Holy Spirit has given us through Peter.

In 1 Peter 3: 9 “Do not repay (to your wife) evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless,(her) for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”

Evil for evil? Reviling for reviling? Think about these for a minute. God is telling husbands. Do NOT repay her for whatever slights and wrongs you may feel she has done to you. The Greek word for evil is kakos. In this sense, evil is referring to speech, a tongue or hurtful, harmful response. Bickering, picking a fight – it is this sense Peter is talking about evil.

John Calvin says evil for evil refers to repaying or seeking revenge. To preserve love, we must bear all things (1 Corinthians 15). Calvin says this is not speaking of mutual benevolence, but where we endure wrongs when provoked. The world would say, we are weak if we turn the other cheek. But God says, we are not to avenge an injury. How often do we react when we are provoked? Yet, God counts this as the highest form of magnanimity when we endure a wrong.

The Greek word for reviling is loidoría. It means to rail, to reproach or insult. Dr. Emerson Eggerich in his book, Love and Respect, calls this the crazy cycle. You go round and round and no one wins. It only gets worse.

The solution, according to Peter is what – to bless her? To pray!

Luke 24:50-53   Then he (Jesus) led them out as far as Bethany, and lifting up his hands he blessed them. 51 While he blessed them, he parted from them and was carried up into heaven. 52 And they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy, 53 and were continually in the temple blessing God.

Peter said, “Do as Christ did, pray for your wife. Bless her and pray God intervenes in her life helps her turn from her ways.”

Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.” Evil is overcome by acts of kindness. Admittedly, it is hard, very hard, to turn away from an argument or to try and be right when you think she is wrong. But we ought to imitate Christ on the cross and in this case , love, as our heavenly Father loves us.

It was God who placed a curse on the woman and we need to understand and live with her in an understanding way.  That curse was place on us as well because she is our wife, the woman God gave man as a helpmate. God planned for men and women to interact in a sin-filled world. But they would long for and seek something they can never attain. Paul makes it clear how the curse impacts a woman. She went from co-equal in a perfect world, to a position of submission in an imperfect world. Read what Paul told the church in 1 Timothy.

1 Tim 2:11-13

11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. (A remnant of the curse).

 “Because you (man) have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, (REMEMBER, THE MAN BLAMED HIS WIFE) ‘ You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; (GOD HOLDS THE MAN ACCOUNTABLE) in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; (NO RELIEF)

[18] thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. (CONSEQUENCES)  

[19] By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” (THE FIRST NOTICE OF DEATH)

From perfection, we have degenerated into blame, shame, accountability, manipulation and consequences. A world of fellowship and blessings, is now a world full of conflict and pain.

A wife who refuses to be submissive to her husband, but instead dominates and rules the home, not only violates a divine law, but also fights the divine sentence. But it is her desire that drives her to this action. Live with her in an understanding way.

Sin causes dysfunctional behavior. The nature of sin is to come against that which is pure and holy. Is it any wonder Christian marriages have such high divorce rates – if both do not live in an understanding way, and reflect the true nature of God, wives will continue to be impacted by this curse.

How are we then to LIVE?

1 Peter 3:

7 showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,

This woman, who has an unnatural desire for her husband is to be shown honor because she is the weaker vessel, the helpmate.

And why does God tell us to do this?

so that your prayers may not be hindered.

 8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind,

There it is ONENESS – unity of mind. What does ONENESS look like – read on.

sympathy,

 brotherly love,

 a tender heart,

and a humble mind.

Sympathy is a fellow-feeling – an identification with and understanding of the feelings of another. We are to have compassion for her plight. Her drive to control is the curse. It is how God wired her. Don’t hate her for it or see it as a personal affront. It is the result of the disobedience of our federal head.

Live in brotherly love – philadelphoi – love for our brothers and sisters in Christ. When we observe the suffering one endures, again, we must remember it is the curse. Respond in love and understanding as the curse manifests itself in your wife. Your curse is to endure and love her.

With a tender heart and all humility, we live with our wives who long to be in fellowship with us, but just like child pains which they cannot control, they will have a desire to control their husbands to meet their own needs. It is hardwired into their life until they are fully under the power of the Holy Spirit.

The penalty for disobedience was steep. But God, in His mercy and love for His elect, gave us a way of escape. It was through Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

In our own power, we are helpless. In our own power, we are under the curse. Our lives are impacted daily by the curse, through the woman God gave the man. God said man needs a helpmate and it was not good for man to be alone. But that helpmate will be plagued with the curse. As we strive to reestablish the perfection of the first heaven, the garden, here on earth – we are told –

9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

Isn’t this clear? If you want to be blessed in this life, then you MUST live in peace and harmony with the woman God gave you.  With brotherly love, humility and a tender heart, do not repay her evil (reproaches, criticisms, rebukes) with like kind (evil). Do not revile her as she disrespects you and rails at you for the grievances you have caused her. Instead, be tender hearted and humble, evidence brotherly love and compassion for her.

There are no accidents in the kingdom of God. God never says oops. I remember questioning God about the woman He gave me. Was this who I was to really marry Lord? What have you done to me? We were in a death struggle in our marriage for the first 27 years. Think about how long that is. That is almost 50% of the time we have been married. We fought this curse. We were not operating as ONE. We were in conflict constantly, until we submitted to God in our marriage. And then a miracle happened.

10 For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;

11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

It is evil to not do good in your marriage. This is what Peter is telling us. If you want to be blessed, if you do not want your prayers hindered, if you do not want to be living in disobedience to the Lord, then what do you have to do? Live in unity – in oneness.

Finally brothers, Paul writes in Eph 5 – [25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by *the washing of water *with the word, [27] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

How did Christ love the church?

He loved you and me so much, that He died for us, so we would be made righteous, perfect in His sight. His death and resurrection redeemed us from the unholiness caused by fall. Without spot or wrinkle, we are a living sacrifice. We are to love our wives so they might be as perfect as the church will be.

In the same way Christ sanctified us, we are able to protect our wives from the curse through our oneness with her.

By being faithful to these acts of love, we not only redeem our wives and cleanse her, but so our prayers are not hindered and we are blessed. Praise be to God our Father for giving us the perfect gift, that we might be able to know Christ through our wife.

Amen